I went to Target today. I just wanted some bleepin' mouthwash. Did I recognize before that there are whole aisles dedicated to mouthwash selection? Do I want Listerine or Scope? Vanilla mint or fresh burst? Citrus or cool mint? Antiseptic or whitening? 16 oz size or, for $1.29 more, the 32 oz? I can't remember when I had that much choice for something so insignificant. I was too overwhelmed and walked away. I remember the excitement I felt when I found a package of baby wipes on a dusty shelf in a small humid market in Mbale.
Maybe I'm having re-entry stress. Or maybe my eyes have just been opened to our culture's gluttonous addiction to excess and choice. Excessive choice. Choice in excess. Buy me more. Me more buy. It's weighing heavy on me coming back. And as my mosquito bite marks disappear, my Chaco tan lines fade, and my passport is dusted off and tucked back in my nightstand, I want so much to hold tight to how simply I lived in Africa, despite how belligerently this culture tries to grab it from my tightly-wound hold. And now here I find myself, in between the family planning aisle and the cold and flu aisle at Target wrestling with these thoughts. It's as though I am grasping for a lifesaver as I am swallowed by the swishing, thrashing, mouthwashy sea of excess. It's quickly circling the drain and I might just vanish with it. Okay a little dramatic, but nonetheless necessary to make the point.
I'm not quite sure what all this means yet. Can I live differently here, differently now, because of what I've seen, what I know? This, of course, coming from a girl who just had a mouthwash meltdown, eyes transfixed on the twinkling bottles under fluorescent lights while repeating as if in a trance: "Tingling clean or winter rush? Tingling clean or winter rush?" When just a few days prior, my most detailed decision was which squatty potty to use - door number one without the lock or door number two without the light? The juxtaposition of these two scenarios would be even more comical if i was having my meltdown in the TP selection (2-ply or 4-ply? quilted or double stitched??). Sigh. So much can change in a day.
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